7 Reasons Why a Sex Act Won’t Soothe a Love Ache: Part III

7 Reasons Why a Sex Act Won’t Soothe a Love Ache:  Part: I

7 Reasons Why a Sex Act Won’t Soothe a Love Ache:  Part: II

Like many, I learned about sex from friends, TV, movies, and Saturday night slow jams.  To say my perspective was skewed is an understatement.  I knew about the physical but it took me years to understand God’s original design for sex.

Reason 4:  Sex Was Not Intended To Soothe a Love Ache

The purpose for sex has never been a non-committal band aid for undealt with wounds. If this were true, it would require sex to become an entity unto itself, rather than a component of the much larger institution of marriage.  God’s aim for sex was to create something new: a union, a child, a family. “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 (NIV)

And though it seems like God’s intent is some irrelevant and archaic after thought, truth cannot be ignored.  Sex is not designed to mend the broken, end loneliness, or vindicate the victimized. Although, this can be a temptation whether single or married.

“I’ll hurt him the way he hurt me!”

“I don’t want to be alone.”

“Men do it all the time.”

“I just want to be loved.”

These activating thoughts originate with an ache and, if allowed, can lay the foundation for devastating behaviors. But attempting to soothe an ache with an act will only widen the wound.  If you are sensing you have an undealt with ache, masked by a sex act, I have a few suggestions.

• Have an Honest Conversation with God About It
• Listen to all 4 parts of The New Rules of Love, Sex & Dating
• Consider Getting Some Counseling
• Take a Break from Dating

Give God your wounds and yourself some time to heal.  Resist the temptation to anesthetize your ache with an act.  It won’t work; it was never designed to.

Reason 5:  Sex is Not Just Physical

We are triune beings consisting of a body, soul and a spirit.  When we have sex, the common misconception is that it is merely physical, but the truth is that with each sexual encounter our spirit and soul are intertwined as well.

If sex is just physical, memories, names, people, and scenarios, would not linger in our minds.  We would easily be able to move beyond the act; but we are not.  To use sex as healing balm for our wounded souls is to create further damage that can take a lifetime to repair.

I think that is what the apostle Paul was saying when he said, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV).  He stood at the sexual gate of temptation and said, ‘Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun! Don’t do it!”  And it wasn’t because he was trying to confine us to a dull bland pleasureless life.

He was attempting to save us from a potential lifetime of regret.  He was aiding us in laying a foundation for a family.  He, like God, wanted us to build a relational infrastructure that was rooted in the love of God.

Love desires to give and not get, wait and not rush, and sacrifice rather than indulge.