7 Reasons Why a Sex Act Won’t Soothe a Love Ache: Part IV

Before I got married, I took a bold step that could have ended my engagement.  I told my now husband about all of my previous relationships, complete with a side order of shame and a cup of regret.  I wish I could say the conversation was short, because there wasn’t much to tell, but that was not the case.

Reason 6: Temporary Pleasure in the Present Can Yield Negative Consequences in the Future

I could have chosen to conceal my past, but the conversation wasn’t optional for me.  I deemed it necessary in order to have the “naked and unashamed” marriage I read about in the Bible.  If I had known my past actions would impact my future union, I would have made different choices.

For me, many of my difficult to confess behaviors occurred when marriage seemed like a distant reality.  My actions were isolated occurrences unrelated to the rest of my life,  but that was a lie.  Everything we do impacts those closest to us (even our future spouses).

If you are single, I encourage you to “become the person that you are looking for is looking for”, as Andy Stanley says.  If you want a man with a non-existent list of previous sexual partners, abstain.  If you seek a man without a truckload of “we’re just friends” relationships, eliminate the questionable males in your life. If you want a man who loves you unconditionally learn to love yourself first.

It only takes a moment to engage in a short term act with a long term reach.  Refuse to soothe a love ache with a temporary act.  It will eliminate painful ramifications in your future.

Reason 7: Premarital Sex Creates Barriers to Commitment

There’s something embedded in the psyche of a woman that dreams about her wedding day. We fantasize about the man, the ring, the wedding, and the sex; but that’s not what we want the most.  We want the marriage;  the unbreakable union that boldly declares “I still do” when times are tough.

We desire that wedded bliss characterized by great communication, friendship, and shared interest.  The foundation for this type of union is formed prior to the marriage relationship, and contrary to popular opinion it does not include sex.   But for many women the reverse is true.  The sex precedes commitment and there are many reasons why.

You are almost like a married couple.

 You’re engaged.  

You’ve been together for X number of years.  

You have been looking for rings and it is only a matter of time.

But the very difficult truth is, you are not married.  

It happens for some women but not all, and in a sense it is like playing Russian Roulette with your life – and your body.

  And although you may be saying, that’s easy for you to say because you’re already married, I had to settle the sex issue too.  Whether this message hits you in your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s or beyond, choose to save sex for marriage because:

• You are Worth a Public Commitment From a Man

• Your Time and Body Have Value

• The Man You Are With May Not Be the Man You Should Marry

• Your Legacy Is Impacted by Your Decisions

• Exclusivity Fosters Security, Oneness, and Passion

As I put a bow on this series, I hope you will choose God’s love as the source for soothing your love ache.  Love desires to give and not get, wait and not rush, and sacrifice rather than indulge.

This is the type of love God desires for everyone of His daughters.

“Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres. . . Love never fails.”  1 Corinthians 13: 4 – 7 ; 8 (NIV)