True Confessions of a Recovering HATER Part IV

Whether attached to gray hairs or weeds, roots are resilient.  Refusing to give up, they persevere in spite of tireless efforts to eradicate them completely.  Likewise, I have found the roots of my unwanted behavior just as difficult to get rid of.

Step 5:  Do the Introspective Work

Sometimes, in spite of a relationship with Jesus Christ, Bible reading, and church attendance my HATER inclinations reappear.  Revealing themselves in my thoughts, these periodic tendencies wage war within my soul.  When they do, I am akin to Paul’s words in Romans 8:19 (NIV), “I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do — this I keep on doing.”

Why?

In answering this question I delved beyond the surface level of my actions, taking a closer look at one possible cause – insecurity.   Beth Moore, author of So Long Insecurity, examines several origins for this epidemic of self doubt.

• Instability in the Home
• A Significant Loss
• Rejection
• Dramatic Change
• Personal Limitations
• Personal Disposition

At least four of the experiences above directly correlate to growing up with an emotionally or physically absent dad.  This is not to say a father’s absence is the sole determining factor for a daughter’s lack of confidence.  However, the impact this relationship has on woman cannot be ignored.  Author and psychologist, Dr. James Dobson says it this way in Bringing Up Girls,

“a daughter’s sense of self-worth and confidence is linked directly to her relationship with her dad.  What he thinks about her and how he expresses his affection is a central source of her perceived value as a human being.”

Stasi Eldredge, co-author of Captivating: Unveiling the Mysteries of a Woman’s Soul, supports Dobson’s statement with a painful and vivid memory.

“When I was a girl of maybe five years old, I remember standing on top of the coffee table in my grandparents’ living room and singing my heart out.  I wanted to capture attention–especially my father’s attention.  I wanted to be captivating.  We all did.  But for most of us, the answer to our question when we were young was “No, there is nothing captivating about you.”  Get off the coffee table.”

The sting of our father’s absence – physical or emotional – lingers in our adult lives.  Every time we judge another woman and put her down secretly it speaks to something we are lacking internally. This lack leaves us with haunting questions demanding answers.

Does my life have value?

Does anybody see me?

Is who I am enough?

And what we are missing cannot be fulfilled by flattery.

I love your shoes.

That was a great presentation.

Congratulations on your degree.

These only address the peripheral of us.  I am talking about words that breathe lasting life into the core of who we are.  This only comes from God.

Christ addressed this longing with the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4:13 (NIV).  In response to her question about well water Jesus zeroed in on the thirst that water cannot quench. “But whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Our worth comes from God.  Period.  We cannot derive security from careers, bank accounts, or a new bag – NOTHING!  And even though it is tempting to build on this sinking sand we must uproot that faulty foundation from our soul.  This process is messy, painful, and on-going – but worth it!

Thankfully, God’s love and support are constant on this recovery road.  His presence can bring lasting change. One of my favorite scriptures says, “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1: 6 (NIV)

On this journey, I am encouraged to know that God will complete the work.  My change is not dependent on my ability, consistency, or know-how.  

My change is dependent on my surrender to a more than capable God.

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