Diary of a Dysfunctional Diva

Hair?

 Check.

Shoes?

Check.

Dress?

Check.

My look was complete, but there was one problem.

You would think a small, seemingly insignificant item of clothing would not have a huge impact on my ensemble, but it did.  The lining of my high heeled slides required the grip of a bare foot to keep them from slipping off.  However, since I had on hosiery  my feet struggled to stay in my shoes.  As a result, I had to focus  – with great  intentionality  – on walking.

It wasn’t pretty.   Instead of a sophisticated “Top Model” walk I had more of an awkward step-pause-slide-your-foot- back-in-place maneuver I hoped no one noticed.  And I could have made it through the graduation without incident but for some reason I had to walk down the stadium stairs just before the ceremony.

The stands were filling up with family members and friends.  Teachers were taking their place on the gymnasium floor, and my entire graduating class was seated in the  bleachers waiting for our festivities to start.   Then it happened.

I carefully did the awkward step-pause-slide down the stairs but somehow I missed a step.    What ensued should have cemented my position as “The Girl Most Likely to Publicly Humiliate Herself” in the high school yearbook.  I slid down that long flight of stairs until I reached the bottom, on my bottom.

Initially, my lack of shoe grip went undetected, but it was later exposed in grand fashion.  What had previously been concealed became difficult to hide once the circumstances changed.   I was cute and a hot mess all at the same time. Consequently I’ve seen other mismatched combinations in my life.  At one time or another, I have been:

• Courageous and Fearful.

• Genuine and Fake.

• Strong and Weak.

• Kind and Harsh.

• Secure and Insecure.

Mastering the art of covering the less flattering attributes and publicly displaying the better ones became like brushing my teeth: routine.  However, I began to grow weary of bearing the constant pressure to keep the “I got this persona”.  I found it impossible and exhausting to maintain.

Like a boxing tournament those pairs began to duke it out in the ring of my life:attempting to dominate the other.  As a result, I decided to seek some help.

 

The natural reaction is to come up with a quick fix. I can read this book, recite this meditation, take two pills and call the doctor in the morning. Rather than look for a bandaid, I purposed to unearth the root cause of those unwanted behaviors.

I traced many of them to my formative years and a need for affirmation.  Dr. James Dobson, author of Bringing Up Girls says ,  “a primary reason for this inner ache is because a daughter’s sense of self-worth and confidence is linked directly to her relationship with her dad.  What he thinks about her and how he expresses his affection is a central source of her perceived value as a human being.”

This is not to say all daughters with a daddy aches have affirmation issues, but many do and I was one of them.  As I gained more information about the role a father plays in his daughter’s life I wanted to know how it specifically impacted my development so I could heal.

I was curious to know what I missed and how God could fill those voids in me.  A mentoring program at my church guided me in the process of:

1. Examining my formative years.
2. Identifying beliefs I formed as a result of my early experiences.
3. Countering false beliefs with specific scriptures from the Bible.

During this process a few of the detrimental beliefs I believed were:

• I must please others to be loved.
• I must performance in order to be accepted.
• I must be beautiful (by the world’s standard)  to have value.

Although many of these beliefs are sustained and supported by our culture, they are not upheld by the word of God.

 

Belief:  I must please others to be loved.

Scriptural Truth:  “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.”

1 John 3:1 NIV

Love is freely given by God.

Belief:  I must maintain perfect performance in order to be acceptance.

Scriptural Truth:  “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast.” 

Ephesians 2:8 – 9

I am accepted by God.

Belief:  I must be beautiful (by the world’s standard)  to have value.

Scriptural Truth:
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

Psalms 139: 14

God thinks I am wonderfully made.

 For every lie we believe there is a corresponding truth in the Bible.  Let’s choose truth over the lies we tell ourselves, hear from others, and get from the world.

(The process mentioned above was  adapted from Re:New Mentoring Materials © Northpoint Church. )

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