How to Know If You Need to See a Counselor

I grew up with a stigma about people who needed counseling, until I became one.  Secretly, I assumed professional help made you inferior to the rest of the population. As a result I became what every good emotionally unhealthy Christian becomes:  a fake.

Pretending to be secure, at peace and okay when I wasn’t.

I was a professional imitator: deceiving even myself.  Blinded to a certain degree, by my innate charisma, life-of-the-party personality and die-hard ambition.  And yet hidden behind all that was immeasurable brokenness.

          Honestly,  I probably would have been content to live my entire life masquerading as a healthy version of me.  I knew how to do it, and I did it well.

Besides, being transparent was difficult and awkward.  Most of the people I observed seemed perfectly content engaging on the surface: talking about the weather, and keeping things light.  No one seemed to want to go deep.

And why would they?  Deep living is scary, uncomfortable, painful, and oftentimes lonely. Not to mention there are some valid questions one needs to reconcile with prior to venturing into this unknown abyss.   

How deep am I willing to go?

What will it cost me?

How will this impact my relationships?

My answers came to one conclusion; maintaining a facade was easier than revealing the truth. That was, however, until God provided some divine agitation:  forcing me to face the reality that I needed help.  

It was a slow and subtle realization.

I had a baby.  Then I had another .  Before I knew it I had become a working mother of two kids under three.

Marriage began to scratch that 7 year itch.  Church became unsafe.   Trust became a liability.  A loved was dying and I began to suffocate underneath the weight of all my emotional baggage.

So I did what made sense; I called the radio station for help.

Desperation will cause you to seek aid from unlikely places.  I did, and I had absolutely no inhibitions about baring my soul to a complete stranger.  Boldly I contacted Focus on the Family’s counseling hotline and that begat a Jesus-fix-my-life season that lasted for 4 years.

But it wasn’t my smorgasbord of woes that launched me into desperation.  It was how I chose to respond to them.  I was a coupler: allowing life’s challenges to bully me into being someone I was never meant to be.

Every difficult circumstance seemed to link arms and sing a verse and chorus of  “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen”.  I was coaxed into humming along by a sadness that sucked the life right out of me.  And although I grew up in the church I couldn’t pray, read, or sing myself happy.

I was depressed, but I couldn’t put it into words.

In fact, recently a friend asked me, “How do you know if you need counseling?”  I struggled to answer such a weighty question knowing my response would impact her decisions.  I also found it difficult to put into words what I knew  so clearly 7 years ago.

So I compiled a list of indicators modified from the Amen Clinics’s, Anxiety and Depression Type Questionnaire.  This list may potentially serve as an aid for you however, I would like to add one disclaimer. When I started taking this drug, I thought I was going to walk sleepy and sluggish, but nothing of the kind happened! On the contrary, my energy seemed to have been restored, the feeling of anxiety passed, nervousness and irritability were significantly reduced. I managed to overcome difficulties! I definitely liked Xanax at https://www.indianpueblo.org/buy-xanax-online/ and the effect of them: like it was me, but so calm, easy to relate to life, knowing the answers to all questions.  I am not a counselor and the advice I share comes straight from the unedited pages of my Christian experience.  

Although, this is not an exhaustive list, I pray it will serve as a guide for you as you prayerfully determine your next steps.  

• You never processed a traumatic experience.
• You are getting feed back at work.
• In the past 12 months you’ve experienced several life changing events.
• You have frequent feelings of nervousness or anxiety.
• You have persistent fear and phobias.
• You tend to avoid conflict.
• You tend to freeze in situations where you feel insecure.
• You are persistently depressed.
• You have suicidal thoughts.
• You feel chronically guilty, worthless, helpless, or hopeless.
• You sleep in excess.
• You cry in excess.
• You have a decreased appetite.
• You have decreased energy, fatigue, and have lost your zeal for life.
• You have persistent and unexplained physical symptoms (i.e.chronic headaches, digestive issues or pain)
• You have chronic low self-esteem.
• You have difficulty expressing your thoughts and feelings.
• You binge eat to process your emotions..
• You have uncontrollable and repetitive negative thoughts.
• You have compulsive behaviors.
• You need an outside substance to cope with life.
• You become upset when things do not go your way.
• You have a family history of violence.
• You have extreme emotions, swinging between heightened and depressed moods.
• You feel overwhelmed by the task of daily living.
• You are chronically bored.
• You have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships.  
• You bite your fingernails or pick your skin.
• You have a tendency to be oppositional or argumentative.

Every behavior in this list does not have to be operable in your life in order to justify needing to see a counselor.  Any one of these behaviors may be signs that you need additional help.  Ask God to give you laser sharp clarity and discernment regarding seeking outside assistance.  Proverbs 3: 5 – 6 (NIV) says,

Trust in the Lord with all your heart  and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways submit to him,  and he will make your paths straight.

If you sense God speaking to you through this list then act.  Don’t delay in getting emotional help. Push past every barrier including those erected in your own mind.

One misconception I struggled with was that Christians shouldn’t need to see a counselor.  I rationalized that we should be able to resolve our problems with the help of God alone.  Whereas I wholeheartedly embrace Philippians 4: 19 (NIV) that says, “ But my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”, I place no limitations on how God chooses to meet those needs.

 

God may choose to meet our needs through people.   He has equipped men and women to provide Godly counsel when we need it.  God often uses people as conduits of his grace, love, compassion, comfort, and wisdom.

This may be the case for you.

Whether I was a recipient or on the giving end, I have seen this countless times in my own life.  But this is not to say people can replace God.

Even if we see a counselor, that in no way replaces the need for an intimate and current relationship with the almighty God.  He knows us better than any human being and His love cannot be superseded.  We must make the decision to see a counselor or not with the leading and direction of God’s sovereign counsel.  

 

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