When Father’s Day Is Bitter Sweet
You celebrate a few men:
Your neighbor,
That random dad in Target with the kids,
Your friend’s husband,
and other relatives,
but when it comes to your own father things gets complicated.
While idyllic images of fathers and daughters flood social media channels, you struggle to find images to post. Father’s day is just a reminder that things aren’t so ideal for you. And this holiday comes with a broad array of emotions:
Admiration,
Sorrow,
Love,
Rage,
Jealousy,
and Bitterness.
Thus, fueling the temptation to wear a mask for the day, so your true feelings remain undetected. You’d rather suppress your raw emotions then broadcast your pain at a time when no one else is. I have felt like this on a number of occasions, and as a professional stuffer, I can say with clarity, “Don’t do it.”
This method of dealing with pain is ineffective. Passive aggression is like a fast moving bullet to the soul, leaving it’s victims with a non healing wound. If this sounds familiar, and your Father’s Day experience is more bitter than sweet, I have three suggestions to help you process your feelings.
#1 Give Yourself Permission to Grieve What Has Been Lost
The physical or emotional absence of a father is a traumatic experience in the life of his daughter. Whether the cause be death, divorce, abandonment, distance, or substance abuse, the effect is a loss that must be grieved. Though difficult to process, it is necessary, in order to heal.
Are you hurting today?
Is your father daughter story so painful you can barely talk about it?
If so, the Bible gives you license to mourn.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
Matthew 5:4 (NIV)
Grieve every difficult memory, wound inflicted, word said, moment missed, and rejection felt. Your story should not be minimized or dismissed. If it is painful to you then it matters to God. One of my favorite scriptures says it like this, “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” 1 Peter 5:7 (KJV)
And you might be saying, “I’ve tried to release it, but the wound is too deep.” I completely understand. The process of grieving takes time and is unique to every person. Enlist support on your journey; you may require the help of a professional counselor, or a trusted friend. Whatever it takes, for however long it takes, you will “be comforted” in your grief by God. So do not lose heart.
# 2 Choose Forgiveness
The love you feel for your daddy only makes the dagger of his words and actions sink deeper. And attempting to forgive him is like falling down a bottomless pit: never coming to the end of his offenses against you. I get it. You are tired of trying to forgive a man that doesn’t seem to deserve forgiveness.
And if it had not been for the selfless act of a Jewish carpenter, I might encourage you to forget about forgiving your daddy. But because of Christ, my forgiveness is not conditional and yours either. We forgive because we have been forgiven, period.
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32 NIV
And this is more easily said than done, but it is doable. Christ is the impetus for, and the enabler of forgiveness. Without Him it is impossible to willingly and consistently relinquish my right to hold a grudge towards my offender.
Every time I forgive with my mouth I ask God to help my emotions to follow suit. And if the pain resurfaces, or a new offense is made, I continue to lean on the power of my heavenly father to forgive again.
Click here to read the rest of this post.
I commend you for posting a brave and honest post like this. Truly, not everyone has sweet Father’s Day. Life isn’t perfect but kudos to those who are still trying to make it right and choosing the best way to handle things.
Thanks Lux. I think a lot of women feel the same way they are just not blogging about it. Prayerfully it will be a breath of fresh air for someone who needs it. So glad you joined the conversation today and be blessed! – Kia
Yes, Father’s Day wasn’t an easy day for me. But it helped that I focused on honoring my husband. Both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are difficult due to mental illness in the family. Thanks for sharing on Grace and Truth.
Aimee recently posted…What I Found At His Feet
Hi Aimee, thank you for being vulnerable in your sharing. Since I have not walked in your shoes I can only imagine the difficulties you experience on both days. It is my sincere hope that this day can be special not just because you focus on your husband, but also because – in a tangible way – you are overwhelmed by the all consuming love of God. Be encouraged, you are not alone. I and many other women are standing with you. I love you and will be praying for you. Thanks for joining the conversation and be blessed! – Kia
This was a beautiful reminder on the importance of embracing the grief process as a fatherless daughter, and letting it lead you closer to God’s grace. I really liked the reminder not to stuff my emotions, but to release them to the Lord and others who affirm the Father heart of God.
Lauren, that is such a beautiful way to speak of grief “leading you closer to God’s grace”. I’m not sure I said it quite like that. I too have been a stuffer but I always feel better (eventually) once I am honest about my emotions. I have to remember it is a journey and not a race. Thanks, my friend, for joining the conversation and be blessed Lauren! – Kia